It is that time of the year again. Xmas!
From the year I left home to live some hundred thousand miles away, I have been fascinated by Xmas and the spirit of giving. As a kid I used to love Xmas because it meant that I will receive some nice toys from my parents. But when I became independent from my folks-I thought the living alone part meant that I was becoming an adult and that I was independent- Xmas became more a holiday during which I could please my folks than being pleased by them. I remember doing some Xmas shopping to get the best things for my family and closest friends. I would spend money but I did not care because I was doing good.
In reality, Xmas had a totally new meaning for me: the loneliest time of the year. For once in my life, I did not have my family present in my daily life. I was living with strangers who were so different from me. And it took a toll on me. I always wanted to be free from family burden, I just could not wait to leave the nest, to fly with my own wings. However, all of the sudden, I found myself being lonely, and yearning for a kiss, a hug, a chat from one of my family members. I was becoming so depressed. And the cold weather added to my dark mood.
I found relief in Xmas shopping. I figure if I could not be at the family dinner table for Xmas in person, my gifts would represent me. So there I was hopping on the bus, the train, bracing the cold winter and the crowd to shop. I bought CDs, books, electronics, chocolates and stuff that I thought my folks would like. The shopping was more a therapy than a duty. At the end of the day, I was tired but satisfied.
Over the years, this feeling of loneliness during Xmas did not completely fade away. However, I found relief in spending Xmas with my own family (Hubby and Baby).There was nothing special during that day for us because my husband does not believe in Xmas. However, we always try to do something special because his birthday is near Xmas. We either travel or invite people for dinner at home. Just by doing something different with them, I do not stress over the fact that I do not get to spend Xmas with my parents.
The feeling of loneliness may have almost disappeared but my hunger for Xmas shopping has not. I do not know what pushes me to spend during that time of the year. Is it the overly attractively decorated stores with their recurring Xmas carols? Is it the set of nicely wrapped Xmas gifts? Or just the ambiance of the people around me? I do not know what it is but I always shop like crazy during Xmas.
This year on my Xmas list is:
- an engraved watch box for my Hubby
- two super soft bathrobes (one for my honey and one of me)
- an easel for my kid
- probably some fancy stuff for a romantic night (do not ask me what)
- and some groceries to make a very nice Xmas eve dinner or Xmas lunch.
Merry Xmas and Happy New Year